Spirituality

I had visions of my daughter for about five years before she finally showed up. She turned out exactly like the little girl in my dreams who had haunted me all that time. I was so very glad to see that she was alive and real. I always thought she must somehow be more magical and special then other normal kids.

Her older brother had told her about reincarnation when she was only two years old. She would later yell at me during her tantrums, "Next time I'm born, I'm not gonna be your daughter!!!" I'd always laugh at her and say, "Oh yes you will! You have to be my daughter forever and ever!" She'd storm off to her room until she was done being angry about whatever it is that little girls get angry about.

She always acted like an old woman who was wiser than my son and I were. We had just sort of gotten used to the baby in the family behaving as the old one. When she was three she asked me one day, "Do you know why I was late?"

As I continued messing with my makeup and fixing my hair in the bathroom mirror I asked her, "Late for what?"

"For being born."

She had been due on Christmas Eve and instead had decided to show up on New Year's Eve. "Why were you late?"

"Well," She replied quite matter of factly. "It was Jesus' birthday and I didn't want to leave early."

I was a bit taken aback, "Who told you about Jesus?" I'm not a traditional Christian and hadn't told my children anything about the traditional organized religions yet. We didn't have any family or friends around who would have told her of such things. How in the world did she know about Jesus?

"Jesus is my friend. He lives in heaven with Michael and Cracker."

"Who's Michael and Cracker?"

She looked at me like I was silly for not knowing as she said, "Michael's my friend. He's going to help me find my new dad. Cracker is a clown and goes like this." With that she started rolling around and doing somersaults and trying to do cartwheels. Then she stopped and looked up at me and said, "They're still up in heaven playing with Jesus. When I get done with this life, I'm going back up there to play and I'm not coming down again."

"Why? Don't you like it here?"

With a rather bored look on her face she said, "Yeah, but I've already learned all my lessons and I only came because you wanted me to."

"Are you upset that I pulled you away from your friends?"

"No, I love you, so I came back. But I'm just not coming back again after I'm all done helping you this time." With that, we pretty much established that she was indeed the old soul caretaker of the family. We kind of already knew that.

Over the next couple of years, she would prove over and over that Michael was helping her to find her new dad. I was a single parent longing for my soulmate to come find me. In reference to my love life, she knew things she had no business knowing. She was told about things before they happened. Michael was always telling her secrets about the men I was dating. Michael was always right. She seemed a bit bored by the whole thing.

She made me believe that Jesus must have been real. I had never really been quite sure until my three year old talked of him without ever having been taught of him. She seemed so self-assured and at peace with the concept. She never spoke of God, just of her buddies and how they all loved to play together. She missed them dearly and yet she was never really alone. I would find her playing with Cracker and Michael in her room all of the time. It was all very different from her brother who had an imaginary playmate for a short time. She didn't have to sit and think about it. She didn't giggle as she "played" at having conversations with them. She was at peace with the fact that they were as real as her brother and me. Michael was her favorite and he was the one who told her precognitive things on a frequent basis.

I wasn't surprised that a child of mine would have a "friend" named Michael who told her things about the future. He was a member of our family until the ladies at the preschool told her that Michael wasn't real and she believed them. Once they convinced her that he wasn't real, she quit "seeing" him. At this point in time, she's not yet convinced herself that he's real and therefore still doesn't "see" or "hear" him anymore. A side effect they probably didn't consider when telling her that Michael was only make believe, is that she no longer "hears" or "sees" or "remembers" Jesus anymore either. By taking her best friend in the spiritual world away from her, they also took Jesus away from her. It broke my heart to see her turn away from Michael.

Now that she's older, she's a little bitter about it all. She wants to reconnect with Michael, Cracker, and Jesus, but she just doesn't believe in it all anymore. I tell her that someday, when she's ready, they'll come back to her. They're still here. She hopes I'm right. She's always seemed a bit unsure of herself since losing that deep and amazing spiritual connection with them. She is still a caretaker by nature, but her soul doesn't seem quite so old and wise anymore. She may not remember, but I hold the memories for her. The one thing I've learned about guardian angels is that they always look over us whether we believe in them or not.

Copyright 2003, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow's Edge

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